I could tell you I was the target of mistreatment in high school or that I obsessed about my weight and working out to the point of unhealthiness or that I progressively got worse and worse with depression and anxiety until I began obsessing about my sexuality and relationships until it was finally diagnosed as OCD. I could throw a pity party and say that as an athlete and big tennis player, I had a shoulder injury which damaged my passion and heightened my self-doubt and resistance to picking one sport instead of the three I was into. I could write about how that my mental health struggles tore my family apart and I didnt see it until I looked behind me to find my brother and repatch what I had damaged, or that when I had feelings for a girl my family wasn’t the most supportive which didnt help my OCD (doubt) or my fear of commitment, so I felt betrayed when it was broken off.
I could tell you all that, and then I could tell you how I worked really hard to patch it all up, I fought to find a therapist after the relationship so I could be better (truthfully: it was to be better for the relationship not for me until that ended and I had to finally focus solely on me). I could pat myself on the back because I used immense mental strength during my lowest period, I sought help whenever I knew I needed it, and I always talked to friends and people close to me when I was struggling. I did finally get myself back on a good track, never stopped working out or working, built strong bonds with my family and even talked to my dad and his family. I could tell you I have had it rough, and I have, but I don’t want it to be all about me.
My goal is to use my stories, to help you relate. I want you to learn the lessons I learned early on, make sense of things in ways you might not have been able to make sense of before, and hear me out. I want you to be able to take my struggles, my reflections, my synthesis of self-reflection, curiosity, and motivation to pull out themes. apply them to your life and learn to become aware, reflect and ask “why?” Most importantly, I want you to feel worthy and strong enough to seek change and understanding.