It is definitely easier to stay in place than to take a leap or change direction. The unknown can be too much to risk. The “What ifs” suffocate you like a dark, ominous cloud, but yet you never even try to look up and see the light. It is definitely easier to distract yourself with something or someone to forget and numb the pain you are in. Why would we believe feeling strong emotions that hurt would eventually help us heal? It is definitely easier to stay hidden under blankets of darkness, anger, self-pity, and doubt than to risk trying something to see if it could change how you feel.
I have been on a journey of learning where I was and knowing where I am not now, of learning about myself and acknowledging that its ok to be me. I do stuff by myself for myself and worry much less about what others think. If I want to go home and watch movies instead of going out, then I will. If I would rather work on a weekend that I have little going on, then you better believe I will because, you know what, I enjoy working. If my body says take a break from working out to focus on my yoga and spiritual side of my life, then that is what I do.
I am not where I want to be but I also have grown to know, by looking back on things, that when the time is right something will show me the way. We often forget that it happens but it does. Patience is huge and I was a culprit of waiting and wishing versus living and allowing.